One Shots
by Baileys
Summary: A Series of one shots inspired from NCIS episodes, covering different moments, all along the same Tony/Gibbs father/son theme.
1. Pre Series

**Episode: Pre Series **

Minutes passed without sound or movement and Gibbs was getting honestly concerned. Then he heard the tell-tale ding of the elevator and Gibbs turned away, greeting his reinforcement's with a sad smile. He knew he was partly to blame for this and felt an unusual twinge of guilt that he wasn't going to examine too far.

"Don't say it Duck." Gibbs spoke without looking at Ducky as he approached.

"I don't have to." Ducky gave him a disapproving look, placing his medical bag down on the floor. "I warned you on this course of action Jethro, when will you learn that not everyone will be quite so-"

"Duck," Gibbs implored closing his eyes and pinching his nose to stem the forming headache.

When he opened them again and Ducky looked his way he mouthed 'not now'. Gibbs was sure Tony was listening to every word and he didn't want him misunderstanding anything. They were there to help, that was all. Ducky nodded, looking a put out by his own reaction upon realising that Tony was likely listening.

"So what happened?" He knelt down next the Agent he'd been called up to see.

Gibbs shrugged. He really wasn't sure. They'd been working together as partners for less than six months, so far he'd learned a great deal about DiNozzo's detective methods and how he uses humour to react to stress, but this? This situation was unprecedented. It was the first naked emotional reaction Gibbs had seen in him since walking in on him at his ex-partners apartment. Not knowing him well enough yet it made Gibbs feel a little voyeuristic, like he was seeing a side of him Tony wanted no one to see and had no desire to share.

But then today's events were special, even for DiNozzo. Like a kicked puppy you push him away and he just keeps coming back for more until you give him the kind of attention he's looking for. Gibbs had become used to this. DiNozzo just had to pick today to change tactics and take on the role of arrogant little prick.

"I'm fine." Tony announced sadly, quietly.

He stood up, pushing their hands aside and made to walk away, but his butt quickly hit the floor again when a dizzy spell took over.

"Have you hit your head today Anthony?" Ducky asked calmly, crouching down in front of him while Gibbs hung back.

Tony giggled, "Only when I ran into Gibbs' hand."

Ducky looked up at him, but Gibbs shook his head, holding up the aforementioned hand. He was glad despite whatever had happened to cause this Tony still had that amusing sense of humour that even caused him to crack a smile now and again.

"So you're dizzy, obviously, any other symptoms?" Ducky tried to get him to focus, but apparently he wasn't willing and had once again fallen silent.

Running his hands over his head, then checking the rest of him out without so much as a complaint uttered from the normally vibrant DiNozzo upon standing Ducky nudged his chin towards the corner of the bullpen room and Gibbs nodded.

"Tell me what happened." Ducky insisted once Gibbs joined him.

"Told ya Duck, I don't know."

"Well you must know something." Ducky insisted.

Gibbs groaned and tilted his head back to think. He went over the evening's events but nothing stood out, he recalled slapping the back of DiNozzo's head when he was misbehaving on the ship, but nothing since then, unless Blackadder knew something he didn't.

"I hit him."

"You hit him." Ducky repeated straight faced a hint of judgement in his tone.

"Well yeah," Gibbs shouted, then immediately lowered his tone. "Kid was messing around, couldn't have him falling overboard."

Ducky folded his arms in irritation. "And you don't think simply telling him would have worked just as well?"

"No." He stressed, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of the question.

They stared at each other, a friendly understanding between them and Gibbs was sure Ducky was only just resisting the smile that wanted to break out. Also if Ducky thought for one minute he was going to start yelling like a stressed out parent at the mall shouting at his miscreant kids he had another thing coming. A headslap was much more powerful and succinct. Just like him.

"Well as painful as that may have been I'm sure the embarrassment is worse and young Anthony here is certainly suffering some kind of physical affliction right now, so something else must be to blame. Was he with you the whole time?"

"No, I sent him and Blackadder to interview the crew." Gibbs said thoughtfully, wondering what the hell else she could have done to mess up today.

"Well maybe Viv can fill the gaps." Ducky looked around, "She gone home?"

"Yes, I fired her ass." Gibbs announced, he wanted to let his anger settle before he told anyone but guessed he had little choice now.

"Good lord Jethro what happen?"

"Duck." Gibbs issued as a warning and request to discuss it later, then nudged his head in the direction he wanted him to focus, "Tony?"

"Ah yes of course." Ducky frowned and approached the ailing agent in question still sitting on the floor slumped against his own desk, Gibbs following a few steps behind.

"Anthony?" Ducky asked curiously. "Have you taken anything for your cold today?"

Tony raised bleary eyes to Ducky and this time instead of the slack jawed expression he'd been sporting Tony was trying to smile.

"Cold?" Gibbs spoke up when his curiosity got the better of him.

Ducky placed a hand to Tony's forehead. "Garden variety sniffles, a temperature," he ran his hands over Tony neck and throat, under his hair feeling behind his ears, "yes as I suspected, swollen glands and I'm betting a cough."

"He was coughing on the ship," Gibbs added absently, trying to piece it together why he didn't notice Tony was sick and then trying to work out why that was something he felt he should be noticing.

"Well I'd say that's what the matter is." Ducky seemed happy with his answer though Gibbs could swear he'd not yet provided one.

"Du-"

Ducky was apparently prepared for his confusion because he began explaining before Gibbs even got his name out.

"I've noticed Anthony has a rather odd reaction to a lot of medication, not just the strong analgesics. I'd say whatever he's taking to counteract the cold symptoms does not agree with him."

"You're trying to tell me he's high?" Gibbs asked incredulously. "On cough medicine?"

"Not trying at all." Ducky chuckled and Gibbs was happy somebody found this amusing. "Take him home Jethro, make sure you stay with him, else who knows what trouble he'll get in, I'll be over to check on him as soon as I've wrapped up here."

Ducky smiled and left, Gibbs could hear him laughing all the way back to the elevator. He looked down on Tony, still dazed and openly staring straight ahead. Now he knew he wasn't ignoring him and he was actually oblivious to the trouble he was causing Gibbs didn't feel so bad. This wasn't his fault after all. He knew Tony had thicker skin than to be so easily upset by him balling him out in public…

"Nothing but baby aspirin from now on DiNozzo," Gibbs bent and lifted Tony up.

Keeping hold of his arm, making sure he didn't damage himself further Gibbs grabbed his rucksack and they walked together to the exit.

…

Tony rolled over and seemed to hover for all of a second before the fact that there was no bed under him registered and he crashed to the floor. Coming to with a start was not a great way to start his day, though looking around with sleep tired eyes 'day' wasn't how he would describe the darkness that greeted him.

"DiNozzo?"

Someone shouted his name and it had him spinning around looking for the source. Confusion had his heart racing, fear of the unknown taking hold. He couldn't see a damn thing and having no idea where he was or how he got there he forced calm to come over him, on the outside at least, inside he was still in full on panic mode.

"Boss?" Tony found his mouth opening and issuing that call of its own volition.

He clamped his jaw shut immediately, not wanting to risk another shaky shout. Footsteps he heard approaching him made his heart beat even faster and he really hoped the calm exterior he believed he was holding together was as good as he thought, because right now he was extremely vulnerable and concealing his fear was the only power he had at his disposal. The footsteps quickened, seemingly matching his breathing, and the closer they got the quicker he breathed, air not reaching his lungs fast enough making it harder to concentrate.

Hands were on him without warning and despite still being unable to see, Tony fought off his would be attacker. They said something, he thought maybe his name again, but he didn't get a chance to think about it because suddenly the lights switched on and the shock of seeing who had been trying to restrain him sent Tony careening forward. He wanted to run as far away as possible, but Gibbs was a fast mover and was already standing in front of him as soon as Tony could launch himself off the floor. Unfortunately his legs weren't working as well as he hoped, which meant he fell head long into Gibbs, succeeding in not leaving, but being completely reliant on Gibbs to hold him up, kind of the opposite of what he was trying to achieve really.

…

When Gibbs had walked in to find Tony on the floor, he hadn't thought, he'd acted. His intent was to merely wake him and check he hadn't hurt himself. Now however he was stood in the middle of his living room, holding Tony tight in his gasp wondering how the hell to get out of this intimate moment without scaring the crap out of him again.

_Ah hell, its tough._ Gibbs realised he was doing something strange for him - he was actually caring about someone else's feelings for a change. Ducky was stood just within the doorway, looking quite relaxed with his cup of tea. When Gibbs looked over at him, eyebrows raised in question his friend merely shrugged and encouraged him to keep doing as he was. Gibbs looked heavenward for a minute, paused for thought then with begrudged determination and a head shake grabbed Tony by the shoulders.

"Come on DiNozzo," he pushed him back, sitting him down on the sofa. "You good now?"

He crouched down to be on his eye level, hoping to make it clear nothing was weird or out of place.

Tony stared back at him, a question in his worried green eyes and Gibbs was once again seeing that strange vulnerability in him that normally hides in plain sight, but today thanks to some flue meds was visible for all to see.

"I'm good," Tony nodded, "Just confused, where am I?"

"My place"

"I get hurt?"

"No," Gibbs answered though he purposefully made it sound ambiguous.

"Cold" Tony blurted, eyes rapidly moving from side to side in thought. "I took something…"

"What you took my boy did not react with you the way it does in most." Ducky walked further into the room announcing his presence. "I'm afraid you seem to have a very low tolerance for analgesics."

By the confusion on his face Gibbs determined Tony didn't know what they were talking about.

"You're a light weight is what he's trying to say."

"A little more politely" Ducky added with a begrudged huff.

"I'm betting you're not a good drinker either." Gibbs added with a smile when Tony looked downright terrified.

"No, left that up to my dad, he drinks enough for both of us, why am I here?" He said the whole thing so quick normal people who weren't dissecting his every word would have missed it, but neither man did and so they shared a brief look before turning their attention back to their charge.

"I wanted to work in my basement." Gibbs said succinctly, aware it didn't explain much but it was all he was going to offer regardless.

…

Tony stared a little bewildered at both Gibbs and Ducky. Both older than him and both looked worried for him. Not expressions he was used to being aimed at his way. He wished he'd kept his mouth shut about his dad, but it slipped out before he could stop it. Thankfully after Gibbs less than helpful explanation as to why he woke up on his sofa Ducky offered to make him a hot drink and explained the whole thing while Gibbs went back downstairs to finish whatever it was he was doing down there.

He ended up stopping over that night instead of forcing Ducky to drive him home to his newly empty apartment. Thing was he only took the stupid cold medicine because the last thing he wanted was to be sick and sent home to his cold apartment alone. Since Wendy left him he'd been avoiding going there at all, preferring to stay working late at the office and sleep in the break room, which is probably how he ended up with the bloody cold in the first place since they turned the heater off at night, and winters in Washington, just like they were in Baltimore, were very, very cold.

Suffice to say, since that night Tony had stopped sleeping in the break room, choosing instead on especially lonely nights to drop by his boss' place since he was so accommodating and more importantly vowed to everyone who'd seen him high, lolling on the floor of the bullpen out of his mind to never ever touch another over the counter flu medication again. He rarely got sick in any case, so long as he took care of himself – and he promised Gibbs he would - what could possibly go wrong?

..

End.

A/N: Thanks for reading! ttfn ;)


	2. One Shot One Kill

**Episode: One Shot, One Kill. (1.13)**

**.**

Eyes on his target the minute the doors part, Gibbs marches off the elevator over to Tony, knocking his feet right off his desk.

"You were shot at!" He yells looming over him, close enough for him to know Tony's holding his breath.

Anger sated briefly from that outburst and DiNozzo's reaction his eyes flash before creasing and relaxing.

"Thought you'd gone home boss." Tony says airily.

Sensing the danger has peaked, but not necessarily past he lowers his head going for ignorance over arrogance by directing his gaze to the still half-finished report on his computer, hands hovering over the keyboard resting on his knees.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barks, picking up the keyboard and tossing it to the side out of reach.

Tony's hands freeze in mid-air showing a second of indecision before dropping them to his lap and leaning back in his chair.

"That's fine," he shrugs, "you can stay as long as you want. You are the boss." He punctuates with a bright toothy smile.

Gibbs slaps him in the head. Hands returning to the desk quickly, pressing hard into the cheap plywood which is clearly acting as a substitute, preventing him from following through with an even harder smack. His glare however is as steely as it gets.

"Hey!" Tony snaps, the slap hitting a nerve as well as his head. "Yeah, the guy shot at me, so what? I got him first so its fine… how'd you know anyway?" He narrows his own steel enforced gaze, eyes returning to the after action report still being typed.

"The FBI sent me a copy of _their _report." Gibbs bites.

"Ah." Tony looks suitably abashed and sits up to attention, goddamn goodie, goodie FBI. "Am I in trouble?"

"What do you think DiNozzo?"

Gibbs relaxes minutely, seeing that Tony isn't going on the defensive.

"Boss look, I was going to put it all in my report, what's the big deal?" he shrugs again.

Gibbs pushes out a breath, can't believe he nearly fell for it. DiNozzo defence mechanism #2 - if they've sussed you, play dumb and act like a five year old that has no idea they've done wrong.

"The big deal _Tony_ is that I had to find out one of my team got in trouble today from the goddamn FBI!" He shouts.

"And?" DiNozzo shoots back, lips pursed, rocking back in his seat once more.

"My team getting shot at is something I care about." Gibbs hisses through thinned lips, refusing to react to the obvious baiting.

"Well you didn't seem to care when it was you getting shot at, so I didn't think we were caring about much anymore." Tony stands up, grabs his coat and makes a swift exit.

Gibbs watches him go, the unexpected outburst throwing him a curve ball. He doesn't have to think long about what Tony means, they had been stood here just the other day when he suggested the idea to make himself a target. Tony's comment 'what if he succeeds?' head ducked spoken sadly, now coming to the forefront of his mind.

Gibbs ducks his own head feeling like a proper heel. He's made plenty of mistakes in his life, but his most often repeated transgression is forgetting others feelings. Two years of working with Tony has taught him that his young playboy image agent wasn't as fickle as he appeared. Tony cares a lot, he's more sensitive than Gibbs ever gives him credit for and he learnt long ago that it's far too easy to break his heart. Today he scared him and for that he is sorry, not that he can tell him that mind you, but still... What he can do is stop being such a hard ass, go find him and let him know it's okay to be upset. Reading the FBI report detailing the moment their shooter turned his gun on DiNozzo certainly scared him. The man was a crack shot, it's just by sheer he wasn't hit and the very idea Tony was so nearly the snipers last victim? It didn't bare thinking about.

.

He wasn't hard to find. Since Gibbs knew Tony wouldn't leave until his work was done for the night and his usual method of getting through a tough case was to consume an ungodly amount of chocolate the break room seemed like the obvious choice. After a quick of the room he sees Tony sitting on the floor in the corner, feeling up a dollar. Right now he's standing in the doorway, weighing up his options for a unchallenging approach, but not coming up with many options Gibbs sighs, swallows his pride and goes for the 'pretend nothing's wrong' act. Tony's hooded lids lift temporarily as he nears, but his gaze diverts quickly back to the floor. Undeterred Gibbs keeps walking and reaching his side slides down to sit next to him.

"Sorry for leaving like that boss," Tony says, opening the lines of communication first.

Gibbs rolls his eyes and rests his head back against the wall to study him for a minute. DiNozzo's about the only person that gets away with apologising to him, mainly because he knows its part and parcel of who Tony is, but also it is only him who receives the apologies generally, so he lives with it.

Nodding his acceptance when Tony eyes him careful Gibbs points at the dollar bill he's running through his fingers.

"Ah," Tony stares at it as if only just noticing it's there still. "I was going to get a chocolate bar but the machine won't take it, broke again I guess."

DiNozzo shrugs and shoves the wrinkled dollar back in his jean pocket. Gibbs reaches inside his jacket pocket with a smile and produces a chocolate bar. Tony's eyes light up at the sight and immediately tries to pretend like he isn't excited when Gibbs hands it over to him.

DiNozzo gives him a cheeky grin and rips into the chocolate bar, Gibbs chuckles and smiles and they sit together in comfortable silent while he eats. Strange how it is they can't do this during the day when others are around, but alone, at night things change. Whether it's the weight of knowing they've both survived another day in a job where you never know which may be your last, or simply because Tony will only ever drop his guard and allow comfort in private, its defence mechanism to prevent him from being hurt, but it's something Gibbs really wants him to work on.

Despite their obvious differences towards work methods and attitudes they clearly share some very defining ideas about personal relationships. He was wrong to go off at him in the bullpen just now, just like Tony was wrong for not coming clean about being shot at straight away. As for the sting, its Gibbs choice to make himself a target and he'll never verbally apologise for doing his job, but he hopes the chocolate bar will tell Tony he's sorry for scaring him. He's been a lone wolf for so long he sometimes forgets the responsibility he took on two years ago. Seems Tony's not the only one with defence mechanisms to work on.

…

End.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading this short piece, I'm going through my formally broken, now only barely working but functional laptop and posting these random pieces. Hope you enjoy and it brings a smile to your day if nothing else. TTFN! ;)


	3. Dead Man Talking

**Episode: Dead Man Talking ( 1.19)**

Kate recovered first, identifying them as federal agents and ordering the concerned patrons to let him and DiNozzo go, which they did, but McGee couldn't help but think it would have been better if it had happened sooner, like before he'd taken a punch to the gut and Tony a glass bottle over the head. Gibbs, having shot the Commander, coolly stepped around the body leaving it to bleed on the bar floor and made his way over to Tony who McGee could see was barely standing, supporting himself against one of the booths like his life depended on it.

"You're an idiot, you know that DiNozzo."

"I'm getting that picture Boss." Tony said in dejected reply as he gingerly prodded the back of his head, wincing when his hand came away bloody.

Gibbs reached out and roughly cupped Tony's cheek, examining the damage for himself. He looked sad and even though he'd clearly checked the damage his palm remained, maintaining the contact much longer than strictly necessary. Tim wasn't sure if that was Agent Gibbs' usual reaction to one of his team getting hurt, mainly because it didn't fit with his tough as nails reputation or his own experience of the man so far. He shelved the conundrum for further consideration at another time. Having managed to make his way across the bar he was standing side by side with DiNozzo, all ready to receive the chewing out of their lives. He didn't want to of course, as the son of an admiral Tim dreaded to think what a former marine could deliver and would have preferred to sneak out front with Kate to wait for Ducky, but McGee knew he couldn't leave Tony to face the brunt of Gibbs' anger alone. They were partners on this little adventure so they'd face the fallout together, even if it was all Tony's fault…

"Agent Gibbs-"

"You both okay?" Gibbs asked interrupting McGee's attempt to explain, his choice of words stunning him into silence.

"Yeah Boss," McGee replied distantly, still confused by the lack of yelling and considerate - hell he'd go so far as to say gentle - tone.

Tony just looked sick.

"Come on," Gibbs offered his hand to DiNozzo, who took it without question and with little more than a head nod walked them both out of the bar.

Outside were paramedics and since they weren't going to be able to do much for Commander Voss McGee assumed Kate must have called them to the bar for them. Dropping behind a step he watched Gibbs escort DiNozzo over to the rig and with a glare push him down to sit on the dropped step.

"You hurt too?" A voice came up on his left.

McGee swallowed, forced his gaze away from Tony looking lost with Gibbs at his side and stuttered through his reply to the butch lady paramedic that was at least a half foot taller than him. He really was fine, the punch came keen, but wasn't hurting now.

"You're getting checked out McGee, that's an order," Gibbs said in the distance, pushing passed the forming crowd and heading back into the bar.

There wasn't a chance Tim was going to argue with Gibbs so he sat down next to Tony on the step and let the scarily tall paramedic check his stomach. She nodded to her partner who happened to be bandaging Tony's head. Tim looked over and waited for him to make an inappropriate comment, or maybe even flirt with the giant who was taking his blood pressure, but nothing, not a peep left the normally rambunctious Agents mouth.

DiNozzo never said a word for the whole 20 minutes they waited in the bars parking lot for Gibbs to return. Not even when the medic cleaned and dressed his head wound, applying a bandage that made him look like he belonged in an eighties rock band. With his matted hair sticking up at random points, if it wasn't for the world weary look on his face, McGee would swear Tony was barely old enough to be out of college. He now wondered how old Tony really was. At first McGee had assumed he was a lot older because of the way he flaunted his authority, but then he'd discovered from Kate that Tony had only been working with Gibbs since 2001 so taking into account his juvenile tendencies and previous employment possibilities he assumed Tony couldn't be much more than five years his senior. If that was the case then it was surprising, though it fit with the look of the person he was sat next to right now.

McGee was about to ask outright to clear up his confusion once and for all when Gibbs reappeared with Kate.

"Ducky's here," she announced.

He stared dumbly back at her, not understanding the strained look in her eye as she stared him down. Kate stamped her foot and nudged her head at Gibbs, who when he looked over could see was looking down at Tony, with Tony looking at the floor.

"Oh. Oh! I'll come… work the scene, yes, okay." McGee jumped to his feet, hearing a whispered finally from Kate as they hurried away heading back inside the bar.

Just before they entered McGee took one last look over his shoulder at Tony and Gibbs. They hadn't changed position.

"Leave it alone McGee," Kate warned him.

He decided to take her advice.

.

"Gibbs-"

"Can it DiNozzo." He snapped, not wanting to hear it.

The harsh words seemed to cut through Tony like a knife and Gibbs watched as he shrunk into himself even more. Like it was even possible.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Tony muttered anyway, never knowing when to quit.

"I know, why I want you to shut it." Gibbs snapped – loudly – then sighed upon seeing just how that hurt him.

DiNozzo nodded sadly, taking his advice for once and staying quiet, but Gibbs was attune enough to his personality to know it wasn't a headache causing him the visible pain he saw in his eyes right now. Sinking down to sit next to him on the step Gibbs placed his arm around Tony's slumped shoulders and pulled him to his side.

"You're a goddamn pain in the ass." He added regretfully.

Tony laughed nervously and sighed. "Yeah, I deserve that."

And just like that, Gibbs knew they'd be okay.

..

End.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading again!


	4. Frame Up

**Episode: Frame Up (3.9)**

Not feeling physically able to make it to the squad room without having a mini meltdown Tony runs from out the elevator like his ass is on fire, making a lame excuse to McGee and Ziva which, due to his superb undercover skills, neither of his teammates clue into and ducks into the men's room unseen. Feeling grateful his father bestowed him with the gift to talk his way out of just about any situation Tony turns on the tap, splashing water over his face to cool down and wash the tell-tale signs of distress from his features. Once he's sure the tears of panic that had begun building behind his suddenly burning eyes on the way up have been held back by the freezing cold water Tony lowers stiff arms, removes shaking hands from his face and stares at his haggard reflection in the water marked mirror.

Even as he calms, his fight for control getting easier with each breath, Tony's mind is spinning with thoughts on what he was going to tell the others, tell Gibbs in particular, when he returns to the bullpen looking like he's had a shower. Being unable to think of a rational explanation that doesn't stray too close to the truth has the anxiety rearing its ugly head again. The thumping in his chest getting get quicker knowing this could easily turn into a never ending cycle. Taking assertive action Tony sends his mind blank, robbing the building angst of its source. Grabbing a paper towel to dry his hands and face once he's sure he can pull off walking Tony exits the men's room heading straight for the rear elevator. Once inside, doors closed, button pressed, he slumps against the cold metal side and lets the elevator carry him in secluded safety down to the basement.

The journey to autopsy seems to be taking much longer than usual, giving him far too long to contemplate his declining situation. He can no longer blame it on a bad clam or a tough day like he'd being telling himself every day since the first time it happened. Tony sighs, almost wanting to slap himself for lying, even if it had been just to himself to start with. He knows exactly what this is about, that's why he's travelling down to talk to Ducky instead of Gibbs, because the doctor maybe the only one who can help him make rational sense of it all. A head slap and gruff 'get over it' from the boss wasn't going to cut it this time. He needed serious help.

It was sixteen days ago, a whole 384 hours since the adrenaline high from being proved innocent of murder had faded and the knowledge that it was all too easy to lose everything in the blink of an eye settled in. It had been a rainy evening and Gibbs had dropped him off outside his apartment building sometime around midnight after they'd been out for several hours celebrating his freedom at the nearest bar. Abby had deserved a drink as much as he did for catching Chip the Prick and even Ducky had joined them this time. Tony hadn't expected Gibbs to hang around long, but when he was still there at the end of the night, leaning against the wall wearing the same small simple smile he'd walked in with, Tony realised he was waiting to take him home.

He'd had to make a run for it from car to apartment since he didn't have his coat or anything remotely waterproof to ward of the brewing storm and stepped straight in a puddle for his trouble. Entering his apartment dripping wet with one soaked foot didn't dampen his spirits though, he kicked off his shoes, threw the sodden socks into a corner and stripped to his boxers, all before feeding Kate the fish. That done he turned on a table lamp and fell into his sofa, wielding the control like a cowboy with a pistol the plasma screen springing to life on the Disney channel. Unsure what he had been watching so many days ago Tony didn't question it much beyond a confused frown. Flicking through the channels, letting his mind drift he was very nearly asleep before finding anything so decided to give up and call it a night. But it was upon turning the TV off and dozing for a mere minute before standing that Tony noticed it. And once he did he had the sudden uncontrollable desire to leave, run out into the street rain be damn. He needed to hear the cars, see the people - confirm he wasn't alone. The silence became unbearable to him, the rhythm of the rain pelting on the window panes his only connection to reality for which he was grateful. He didn't think he could have dealt with complete silence right then. The walls were closing in on him and his apartment, a place where he had once considered safe now only felt suffocating and oppressive.

That's how he'd felt a moment ago coming up in the elevator trapped between the upper and lower floors of orange walled NCIS. He'd been fine getting in, then something changed and it was all Tony could do to hold on, wait for their floor, for the doors to open, to make his escape so he could breakdown in private. He didn't seem to be having a problem now though did he? Tony questions himself as the car moves agonisingly slowly down more floors than Tony remembers NCIS having to autopsy, so he wasn't suddenly claustrophobic or anything, which was good, but it begged the question what _was_ wrong with him? Ducky will know. Tony hopes he will anyway. The car settles with final clunk and the doors part to reveal the dead cold corridor outside autopsy.

Tony takes an unconscious step back until his butt hits the rear wall of the elevator. Looking down and over to the doors and beyond he can see the only visible light inside is shining starkly bright in contrast to the dull grey in between. He never realised until now how terribly scary this scene is for anyone visiting who's unfamiliar with the place and the kind ME just beyond the daunting doors. There must be a light here somewhere, why the hell have they not changed the bulb after all these years? First thing tomorrow he's planning on reporting this to maintenance. Taking a deep breath as if he's about to be submerged underwater Tony runs the distance from elevator to autopsy and powers through the doors as they part mere miler seconds beforehand. Satisfied he made the trip in the dark without incident Tony stops on the threshold and releases his held breath, composing himself the best he can under the circumstances, as if he wasn't just terrified to take the few necessary steps without freaking out. Stepping further inside he's greeted with the sounds of some jazz musician Tony thinks he could name if given a minute. It's nice, he knows all too well the quiet might have killed him.

"Anthony?"

Tony jumps. And before he can stop it his mind is helpless as he's thrown back to the moment he was reminiscing about in the elevator, the moment all his troubles truly began…

_He'd jumped up from his couch like it was on fire, heart in his throat and tried to catch his breath as he looked around the room. Feeling cold sweat breaking out on his forehead Tony bolted to the bathroom and running the water he splashed his face several times until the cold became so numbing he no longer had the energy to worry about anything else. Crawling into bed with his slightly damp shirt still on Tony was shaking from cold. He reasoned with himself that maybe he was just drunker than he thought. Sure he'd only had a few beers, but he wasn't exactly known for having a high tolerance to mind altering substances. Gibbs sure knew enough about that. The memories of the many times he'd looked after him when Tony needed him put a smile on his face. That was until he thought about what else Gibbs knew. The conversation they had back in the cell jumped to the forefront of his mind and suddenly the oppressive feeling was back, pressing down on him like a dead weight into the mattress. He'd told him about his mother –Tony hadn't told anyone about his mother. _

With the memories of that conversation whirling through his alcohol laden mind Tony eventually fell into a fitful sleep. That night had been the longest of his life and by the time the sun rose the next morning Tony was convinced he would have had a better night's sleep if he had stayed in jail. He'd gone into work the next day with a renewed fear he thought he'd put behind him a long time ago. He always knew his job was dangerous and although he may leave his apartment in the morning there was no guarantee he'd be coming back again, but having his entire life turned upside, his liberty taken away was a whole different ball game.

Now two weeks later, he's still running to the bathroom doing the exact same thing he'd done that night, the same as last week, the same as ten minutes ago. Which was why he's here Tony reminds himself focusing his blurring vision on the short bowtie wearing Scotsman in front of him asking if he's okay. It's when Ducky gives up on getting a verbal response and squeezes his shoulder, running one warm palm across the base of his neck that Tony snaps out of it enough to answer.

"I need your help, Ducky." Tony says the words, voice shaky and earnest.

It's clear Ducky's as surprised as he is by the request and immediately parts lips to take the request back, but Ducky being Ducky shelves his shock and leads him immediately to sit down at his desk, hitching himself against it thus giving him the height advantage.

"Now tell me my boy," Ducky says softly leaning forward and squeezing his knee, "What's the matter?"

Tony looks sadly up at Ducky too tired and too worn to even try and hide how he's feeling. His mind drifts again, this time briefly, but enough to feel the guilt that he hasn't gone to Gibbs about this. They still hadn't spoken about what he'd said while in the holding cell that night. Tony isn't sure he wants to, to be honest. Keeping control is paramount and he lost it that night. Adding to that he's sure every time Gibbs looks at him now he sees a pathetic child instead of his senior field agent. Ziva's continued digs at his level of maturity are just adding to the self-recrimination he's already feeling. Last thing he wants to do is compound what everyone else thinks of him.

"It's nothing I'm being stupid." Tony answers with a sigh, preparing to stand.

He guesses he really should have seen this coming, but truth is he was so happy to not be spending a second night in jail that night the inevitable crash hadn't crossed his mind until it was too late. Though maybe it had occurred to Gibbs he thinks now. He'd hung around in the bar and made sure he got home safe. Had Tony bought a clue earlier he could have maybe avoided the trauma of that night by just asking Gibbs to take him back to his place.

Looking up at Ducky's understanding and increasingly worried frown Tony knows that couldn't have ever happened. He could no more beg Gibbs to take him home with him than he could just show up on his doorstep with a six pack. Maybe one day he'd be brave enough to let himself be that vulnerable in front of the man he looked up to, but right now it seemed like a pipe dream, his past and raging insecurities making Tony feel like a solid connection in his life is as probable as Probie bagging a hot cheerleader date without his help.

Feeling like an idiot for running down to Ducky he stands, knowing he can't hide forever. They have a case and Gibbs has only just settled down after both his and McGee's recent traumas, if Tony said anything about this now it would only rock the boat and more than anything Tony wants to get things back to normal. He wants to be able walk into the squad room and not feel the burn of Gibbs' gaze drill twin holes into the back of his head.

"Anthony if something's upsetting you-"

"No I really am fine, sorry Ducky." Tony tries to walk past, avoiding looking him in the eye.

He makes it as far as the doors, but as they slide apart to let him through Gibbs marches in and with a palm flat to his chest pushes Tony back across the room and into the chair.

"Not so fast DiNozzo." He says calmly, but Tony can hear the edge behind it.

"Boss I was just-"

Gibbs slaps his cheek gently and presses a finger over Tony's lips forcing him to shut up. Then sharing a look with Ducky over his head Tony can't help but feel like his troubles are only just beginning.

.

Gibbs had entered the squad room to find Ziva, McGee and one empty desk – a too common occurrence over last couple of weeks. He didn't ask where DiNozzo was, mainly because he didn't think he could hide the irritation from his voice, which even McGee would be able to tell masked concern. It was better to keep quiet and wait Tony out, although that was generally easier said than done when it came to DiNozzo. Kid was hurting big time and worst of all, he wasn't the only one. Visiting him in the jail cell two weeks ago had nearly killed him to be truthful. Standing there, listening to him spill his secrets physically hurt. It hurt Gibbs even more when he'd had to leave, being able to offer nothing but a gentle headslap in comfort and an order to keep his chin up.

Two weeks have passed since then and he's still dwelling on it. Gibbs doesn't know why he can't let it go. A head slap was due himself maybe, for not taking a more proactive lead that night and forcing Tony home with him instead of leaving him alone to face his demons. Funnily enough, although the headslaps had started off as a wakeup call - Mike Franks having given him plenty - somehow over the years with Tony their meaning had changed. It was something Abby said to him a few months back after Kate died and he hated to think she was right, that Tony might actually view a smack in the same way anyone else would a hug. It said something about Tony's emotional state, explained a lot about who he was as a person too. So the one in the cell, much like the one in the hospital hadn't been as he'd told ducky – a wakeup call - it had been an 'I love ya, remember that you idiot'. Being as Tony was spiralling out of control during his time in the cell and as much as a hug was probably needed, it wasn't only just impossible due to the bars between them, it would have had the opposite effect as desired. Instead of pulling it together Tony would have probably melted into a hug and ended up more of an emotional train wreck than when he'd gone in. Not something Gibbs wanted to be forever emblazed on FBI security tape.

He can see Ziva looking at him slyly over her computer right, but tries to ignore. However after the third time of looking over to have her duck her head and avoid eye contact Gibbs has had enough.

"What?" He snaps throwing his pen down to rebound off the desk.

McGee, who has also been gawking though more secretively, immediately pretends to be busy and types at his computer. Ziva seems to consider her move, perfectly attuned to the danger that involved guns or knives and killers but matters of emotions, problems that can't be solved with a weapon she seemed completely flummoxed by.

After fidgeting and considering her position and a lot of hemming and hawing Ziva finally speaks.

"We are worried." Her eyes flick to McGee who has frozen in his seat. "About Tony." Her gaze flicks back to him.

Gibbs sits back and folds his arms looking amused by McGee's discomfort. A silent discussion slash argument ensues between him and Ziva, one that McGee eventually loses, of course.

"He's not been himself." McGee shrugs.

"You mean he's been quiet." Gibbs clarifies, feeling the need to speed this along.

They share surprised looks. Is he really that much of a bastard that his team thinks he doesn't notice what's happening under his very nose? Fed up with waiting he pushes away from his desk without a word and goes looking for the man that has all of the team, including himself, preoccupied from the case.

Walking into autopsy, after checking in with Abby Gibbs is determined this is going to end today and he isn't letting Tony leave before he has his answers.

.

"Problems Ducky?" Gibbs asks.

Ducky rolls his eyes, in no mood to play Jethro's game. "Not especially, young Tony and I were about to have a little chat."

"Oh, what about?"

"Boss I can explain."

"Sit down DiNozzo I'll deal with you in a minute."

"Jethro," Ducky chastises, having had about enough of his methods of coping with stress.

Not that DiNozzo's were much better mind. The problem with Tony's methods of coping were that every little story or self-deprecating comment came with a clause, almost as if Tony was begging for someone to say 'but we love you anyway'.

"Boss I'm-"

Gibbs points at Tony, but keeps his gaze fixed on Ducky. "You say you're sorry DiNozzo and I will headslap you so hard-"

"Hey, you found him, why didn't you call me?" Abby bounded into the lab, "What's happening?"

She stares between the three of them, clearly sensing the kind of tension she's inadvertently walked in on.

"Well Jethro is upset Abigale, and as is usual he's expressing himself in anger instead of using his words." Ducky decides to fill her in.

"I'm using words." Gibbs refutes calmly.

"Angry ones," Ducky shoots back.

They at each other for a minute the younger two still present in the room silently waiting to see what may happen next.

"What do you want me to say Duck?" Gibbs breaks the silence, pleasing Ducky no end.

"This isn't about what I want you to say." He says wisely, settling against one of his thankfully empty tables.

"Guys, I'm really not liking the vibes right now." Abby interrupts.

"Yeah, you know if you guys need to talk we can go." Tony stands, making it all the way to Abby's side before Ducky's voice has him stopping in his tracks.

"Tony you came down to see me for a reason, Gibbs followed you because he knows and despite his methods is concerned for you. Abby's no doubt here for the same reasons, even though she likely isn't sure why she's worried about you yet."

"Wow Ducky you should have your own TV show." Abby gushes, smiling and grabbing Tony's hand pulling him with her to sit back down together at Ducky's desk.

"I really hated group therapy Duck." Tony quips looking desperate for an out.

"I don't do therapy," Gibbs growls, "ask my ex-wives."

"Which ones?" Abby grins.

"All of them. DiNozzo," Gibbs barks suddenly, "With me."

At his commend Tony jumps up, looking at Ducky surprisingly enough as if asking permission to go. The action not only warms him, it makes Ducky laugh and he nods, watching as Tony visibly relaxes, jogging out the door after Gibbs.

He allows a smile once they're gone.

"What was that about?" Abby stands and approaches him, a quizzical frown on her painted face.

"That my dear is progress," Ducky chuckles, heart a little lighter than it has been all week.

.

Tony's stepping out of the men's room ready to face the world for another few hours when Gibbs walks into him and pushes him back in, locking the door behind him.

"Boss? People may talk." Tony quips, not even trying to hide the very real fear in his tone, hoping it'll be misjudged as fake and for effect, hiding in plain sight -hands down the best kind of fake out.

"I thought we solved this?"

Tony doesn't know what to say, head bent low he can't formulate an answer.

"Look at me DiNozzo," he barks, getting very annoyed and very angry, very god damn quickly.

He can tell he doesn't want to, but Tony's a good boy who always does as told eventually. Gibbs looks at him expectantly, but on seeing the glassy sadness of Tony's eyes and accompanying shrug Gibbs sighs, looks away to gather his own emotions, sorts out his concern from his anger and drops the annoyance.

Stepping forward he's resigned himself to what needs to be done. Tony steps back in panic and trepidation, but Gibbs isn't having any of it. He'll be damn if he's going to stand there and let Tony put all his energy into keeping it together when what he really needs to is to do as Ducky suggested weeks ago when all this started and let it all out. He struggles a little at first as Gibbs wraps both arms around him, pulling him close, but the protests are minor at best. Tony soon settles against him, chin resting on his shoulder hands gripping the material of his jacket like a drowning man on a life preserver. He's silent as he cries and if it wasn't for the minuet tremors running through tense shoulders Gibbs wouldn't be sure if he was even reacting to the hug at all.

Eventually Tony admits all this has hit a little too close to home. His issue's with his dad being forefront in his mind and Gibbs reminds him that _he_ isn't _him_. Then there's Kate not being with them, Ziva being with them. And the final blow - nearly losing everything because someone frames him for murder. After surveying the plague it all doesn't seem worth it.

Gibbs can understand losing it a little given the circumstances and in an effort to continue following Ducky's advice of using his words, invites Tony round his house for steak dinner, assuming of course they solve their case, adding one condition. He provides the beer.

..

End.

A/N: Thanks and goodnight;)


	5. Heartland

**Episode: Heartland (6.4)**

"Storm's moving in." Jackson said watching the dark clouds consume the sky through the front windows.

Gibbs had returned to the store after leaving the Winslow house and was in a less than jubilant mood. Chuck and his daughter were having an argument when he'd made his swift exit, he'd never been good around crying women.

"Boss what about Tony and Ziva?" McGee asked looking up from packing his things.

"They're escorting Chad Winslowlow to the sheriff's station, should be back soon." Gibbs kept his tone even, falling back against the door, more tired than anything else. "You and Abby ready?"

"Leroy," Jackson chastised with the one word. "You can't be thinking of driving back tonight, it's late and you know how these roads are in bad weather, you'll be lucky not to end it in a damn ditch."

"We'll be fine." Gibbs shrugged, feeling more than twice his age.

"Of course. That's until you aren't and by then it's too late. Stay the night…" Jackson must have seen the less than convinced look on his face and added, "Please Leroy."

Gibbs sighed, he didn't want to stay another night, but despite this being the first time he'd seen his father since the funeral he somehow found it difficult to tell the man no.

"Oooh Gibbs, can we?" Abby piped up having walked into the store from the back at that very moment, catching only the end of their conversation.

"We need to get back." He responded lamely, he was aiming for firm, but knew somehow that had failed and he'd already lost.

"No, tomorrow's Saturday, we have no other active cases. Besides McGee and Ziva both got to stay, it's not fair if me and Tony don't too." She stomped her foot, making it final.

"DiNozzo is _not _staying here longer than necessary." He muttered under his breath, the thought of Tony getting a wide open opportunity to snoop into his childhood made him want to both laugh and cry simultaneously.

"I'm not doing what now?" The doorbell went off as soon as he'd spoken and of course in walked the object of their discussion.

"Tony we're staying the night!" Abby announced sending Gibbs daggers when he opened his mouth to correct her.

His father jumped in with his two cents too, talking of blankets and making pot roast for dinner. This was too much. Gibbs rolled his eyes and gave up throwing his hands in the air. He dropped his things and picked up the pricing gun, stamping a few cans of peas. It kept his hands from finding the target he wanted to hurt.

"Oh cool" was Tony's response to the news, though Gibbs detected a note that said otherwise and it made him look up.

"Problems?"

"Ah nothing we can't handle boss, I just came back to get some stuff off McGee, our sheriff friend isn't being exactly cooperative." Tony walked over and took the paperwork McGee handed him.

"Tony you look pale, maybe McGee should go, Jackson says there's a storm moving in." Abby perked up in concern.

"Nah so'kay Probie," Tony addressed McGee, "I'll be fine, there and back before it rains, I promise." He winked at Abby.

Gibbs had gone back to pricing until he heard that. Usually he'd insist Abby should stop babying his agents, even when said agents needed it. But last year's incident where Tony and he both nearly drowned, then ended up on a case that got them trapped in a hurricane with Tony sick, well since then he'd learn to listen to Abby's gut a bit more closely.

"DiNozzo" he barked softly

"Yeah boss?" Tony halted on his way out the door.

"You get into trouble, you call me." He said in no uncertain terms, knowing Tony would know what he really meant.

"Will do boss," the nervous embarrassed chuckle was expected, since Tony always got uncomfortable when Gibbs or anyone made issue of his obvious weakness'.

..

_A few hours later-_

"Where's that other young fella gone?" Jackson approached Gibbs, looking inquisitive.

"Who, Tony?"

"That's the one." He nodded and when Gibbs didn't ask why he was looking for him Jackson chose to tell him anyway. "You seemed a little edgy over him earlier. Something I should know?"

Gibbs looked at his father inquisitively, as if he had no idea what he meant by that.

"Don't give me that look Leroy, we may not have spoken in years but I still kept interest in you, know you've been married since, but thought you'd tell me if I had more grandchildren." He said it with a wink, his subtle way of asking why his normally stoic son was showing what he saw as excessive concern over another man.

"Tony isn't mine" He said, playing the game, even though denying it produced a wistful look which his father no doubt picked up on.

"Could have fooled me, him, the other one, the girls – don't exactly treat 'em like employees Leroy."

"Well we do spend a lot of time together," Gibbs said absently, avoiding looking his father in the eye.

"Something else is going on with that one though," Jackson brought the conversation back onto Tony again.

His father was a master at this and he couldn't deny where he got his own interrogation stills from. Gibbs stopped what he was doing and sighed. They were spending the night it seemed anyway since Tony and Ziva still weren't back and it was better for his father to know the truth so at least he'd get some peace.

"Tony was ill a few years ago," Gibbs paused, he always had this problem remembering that time. "Almost died from pneumonia." He whispered distantly.

"You care about him." Jackson said in surprise as if he was incapable.

"He pulled through, but a simple cold could kill him, has to be careful." Gibbs ignored him.

Jackson moved on knowing his son well enough to know that the none answer was all the answer he would get right now. "Well walking around in a storm doesn't class as being careful, I better get that fire going, lad's going to be freezing when he finally gets back."

He walked out of sight and Gibbs stopped what he was doing, looking out the windows into the rain that was falling heavily and getting worse by the second. Helpless was how he felt stupidly enough, there was nothing to be done, rain was rain, it happened, likewise every sneeze didn't mean pneumonia but Gibbs' gut clenched every time this happened, hell he was more afraid than DiNozzo.

They returned after another half hour, both soaked through to the skin, Ziva growling at Tony forcing Gibbs to break it up. He gave Tony a telling look. He was stood there in front of him dripping wet, soaked head to foot. He'd looked the same after Kate died, wandering around in the rain like he deserved the punishment. There was no reason for it to be happening now though.

"Sorry Boss," Tony spoke into the silence, feeling told off without him having to say a word.

Tony slunk off upstairs to change looking sad and Gibbs stood facing forward shaking his head, wondering what the hell he was going to do with him. Since he'd gotten him back from the Seahawk Tony had regressed to that eager to please Probie he once was, in fear of being sent away again, even though he knew Gibbs wasn't the one that had sent him packing in the first place. Being separated from him for the first time in eight years had caused some strange changes to go on and for him to make some realisations about just how much Tony meant to him. Consequently he'd discovered himself being softer, laughing at Tony's jokes more, smiling at his antics when he should be head slapping him. In short, he'd gone soft.

Gibbs saw Jackson move off after Tony and giving Ziva a look which said he'd discuss the details with her later let curiosity get the better of him and he followed his father. He saw him climbing the stairs and trailed a few paces behind, curious. Keeping his distance was done easily enough and with his usual amount of stealth he listened in.

Jackson knocked on the door of the bedroom and a muffled voice allowed entry.

"I thought you might need this," He handed over a cream sweater to Tony who had changed into his spare clothes.

"Thanks" Tony took the jumper enthusiastically.

"It'll keep the chill off better than those shirts." He said in his old man manner.

Tony eyed the old guy. "Gibbs has told you about me hasn't he?" He asked with a twinkle in his narrowed eyes.

"He's told me he's worried about ya." Tony gave him another telling look, "maybe not in so many words, but that's what he meant."

"I know," Tony admitted immediately and confidently.

Gibbs nearly gave away his position the acknowledgement floored him that much. Tony was being serious for once and stranger than that it was with _his_ dad.

"He shouldn't though, it's nothing." Tony smiled. "I'm not fragile."

"We're all fragile son, no one's indestructible. And there's no shame in being afraid either."

The smile broaden slightly head ducking in embarrassment. Gibbs couldn't believe it. He'd very rarely seen Tony be this comfortable with anyone, and the way he was acting he'd only ever seen at his house when they were alone. Tony pulled the jumper over his head and Gibbs could see the desire in him to talk, to ask questions, but whatever was making him be so polite also had struck him dumb.

He'd chosen Ziva and McGee, leaving Tony behind because he knew Tony wouldn't be able to concentrate and that would not only piss him off, but unfairly damage the case. He hadn't planned on seeing his dad, but then he knew the way the town worked and knew his dad would certainly plan on seeing him. Stranger things had happened in shorter times but truthfully what were they saying here? One minute he isn't talking to his dad or even acknowledging his existence and the next thing his entire team are staying over at his house!

Tony and Jackson left the room and moved into the den. He followed still stealthily and caught up with the rest of them. Abby was already comfortably going through his father's record collection, while Ziva and McGee were sat together at the table, McGee lost in his headphones Ziva sitting quietly staying ever alert of her surrounds while portraying someone lost in thought. Tony walked in and sat down next to Abby who also happened to be by the fire, looking warmer in his dad's sweater, but still pale.

"You planning on hovering in the hallways all night Leroy, or are you going to relax and enjoy spending some quality down time with these kids of yours?" His dad somehow managed to sneak up behind him, giving him a wise all knowing smile.

Gibbs grinned in weary acceptance, and deciding that things certainly could be worse than reconnecting with his dad, he walked on in to join his team, his… family.

..

End.


	6. Sins of the Father

**Episode: Sins of the Father (9.10)**

_November 23rd the day before Thanksgiving 2011_

Tony came too with a jerk and a shout, hands shooting up to cover his eyes.

"Anthony," Ducky rushed to his side, leaning over him to block out most of the glaring overhead lights. "Are you okay my boy?"

Tony kept his hands where they were, but Ducky could see him blinking dazedly through splayed fingers.

"Do you know how disconcerting it is to wake up on an autopsy table?" He growled low in his throat, voice raspy and much, much quieter than usual.

Ducky grinned, pleased to hear he was just as disgruntled as ever when it came to incidences outside his comfort zone, "Sorry, but we had nowhere else to let you rest, Abigail's lab is still being vented and I'm afraid the only other alternative would have been the hospital."

His comment was intended to reassure, but the way Tony immediately dropped his hands and frowned up at him had Ducky mentally adding memory loss to his list of exposure symptoms.

"What happened?" he asked groggily, proving the theory correct.

Ducky considered where to start, not wanting to scare him.

"Well you were all very lucky, some less than most of course." Ducky winked to soften the jibe and get his point across, but off Tony's increasingly confused and worried look set out to explain the full story with haste, "There was a chemical leak in the lab, everybody made it out safely and recovered pretty quickly, apart from you of course." He added sheepishly. "I'm afraid your lungs did not cope well with the extra pressure."

He broke the news as gently as possible, but no matter how nicely he wraps the package, some words will always be harder to deliver than others.

"Goddamn plague scarred lungs." Tony muttered in response, dropping his gaze to his entwined palms resting comfortably across his chest.

Seeing his expression turn to embarrassment Ducky quickly leaned over and gently tapped his shoulder. Tony's eyes slowly slid upwards to greet his and with a little nonverbal prodding, coupled with a squeeze of reassurance, Ducky helped him to sit up. Unfortunately the move made things worse, not better. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut Tony grabbed his head with both hands the second his legs swung off the table. He swayed on the edge for a second, but quickly losing the battle to stay up right he began to topple forward. Seeing he was about to hit the floor Ducky closed the small gap between them, steadying him as two groping hands found his shoulders, wrapping tightly around his neck.

"Shit," Tony groaned into Ducky's left ear, voice muffled by his ruffled lab coat.

"Quite." He chuckled, returning the impromptu hug with some amusement.

Before either could say anything further the autopsy doors swished open announcing the entrance of Jethro and Mr DiNozzo, both of whom stalled to a halt the second they clapped eyes on them. Tony, head still buried in his lab coat, remained rigid in his arms, so without breaking the contact Ducky met Jethro's concerned glare over Tony's shoulder and smiled, shaking his head to assure him there was nothing to worry about. He didn't seem to fully believe him of course, given their unusual position Ducky didn't blame him either. Gibbs always had to see something to believe it first and right now he was seeing Anthony with a grip on him so tight it must be turning his knuckles white. If their positions where reversed he'd have a hard time believing everything was alright too.

"Hey boss," Tony rumbled without looking up or letting go.

He wasn't surprised, Anthony always was a very perceptive lad. He no doubt heard the doors familiar swish as they opened and felt the instinctive tightening of Ducky's arms and minute shake of his head as he communicated the situation.

"You okay, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked softly, and somewhat awkwardly, on his slow approached to their side.

Not a tone he was comfortable using at work, though Ducky had heard it a lot more in the last year than anytime previously.

"Headache," Tony complained, throat raspy, face screwed up in pain as he relaxed his grip preparing to pull away. "Lights are killing me."

Ducky loosened his own hold on cue and took a small step to the side, allowing Jethro to occupy the space directly in front of his Agent. Observing the pair from the side-lines, Tony squinting up at Gibbs and Gibbs looking searchingly down at Tony, it was interesting to note that the lucky young man was yet to acknowledge the presence of his father, who unlike Jethro had hung back by the doors looking at a loss as to what he should be doing. Ducky presumed Tony did know he was there of course, but with Tony being… well Tony he guessed, it was pretty clear he wanted some serious TLC right now, and they all knew there was only one man able to give it him effectively.

Ducky chuckled at the thought. TLC and Gibbs did not belong in the same sentence, however despite his tough love philosophy he knew Jethro saw the same need in Tony that he did and was very pleased that after a decade of working together they'd finally reached the stage in their relationship where both where comfortable enough to provide and receive comfort in equal measure without any awkwardness. Ducky happily watched Gibbs' face soften to match his tone as he filled Tony in on the accident in the lab, relating it back to their case and satisfied that he wasn't currently needed quietly stepped away, leaving them to talk.

Approaching Mr DiNozzo he welcomed him to take a seat while they waited. "Jethro just needs to ask him some questions about the incident."

"He looks like he's drunk a gallon of whisky and regrets it" Senior joked, darting curious glances across the room where the pair where still conversing as if they were the only people in the room.

Ducky followed Senior's gaze, turning in time to see Gibbs tuck Tony under the chin. A simple friendly gesture he'd witness on a mere handful of occasions, but considering the hug he'd walked in on conceded it must be a little strange for the father to see his son easily receive comfort from others when their own relationship was so strained.

"Yes, but since he doesn't deal well with most painkillers I'm reluctant to give him anything stronger than aspirin." Ducky said watching DiNozzo senior closely for any reaction.

"He's just like his mother," Senior sighed dismissively, surprising Ducky.

It wasn't the response he was expecting, but at least it hinted at him having some knowledge about his child's medical history. What Ducky had wanted to know, for a while now actually, was if Senior knew anything of Tony's emotional issues? Unlike the rest he'd not spent a lot of time with the man until this recent incident with the body found in his trunk and the profiler in him relished the idea of getting a broader picture of where their own sometimes misguided and often promiscuous Tony DiNozzo came from.

"You know I don't believe I've ever heard Anthony talk about his mother?" Ducky turned the off-hand comment into a question.

Senior lost himself in thought for a second, releasing a long held breath before uttering his next words. "She was a wonderful woman, love of my life," he said wistfully, "Junior reminds me of her a lot."

"Yes Anthony does possess a certain wilfulness not commonly found in boys after adolescence," Ducky chuckled and then quickly sobered to ask his next question. "How did you cope, raising him alone?"

Senior narrowed his gaze, like their Anthony he was a smart man, not easily tricked into revealing anything beyond the superficial. A generic trait or one born out of need? It would be interesting to discover.

"Tony strikes me as having been a rather wilful child," Ducky added delicately. "Losing a loved one in any capacity is hard to overcome, but losing a loved one and being denied the time to grieve due to the responsibility of a child is one of the hardest."

Senior turned to him in surprise.

"Where were you thirty years ago?" He joked, though it was more akin to the nervous kind Tony threw at them now and again when he was out of his comfort zone.

"Russia. Or maybe the Ukraine. Definitely the Eastern European region," Ducky punctuated his response with a smile to assure him he was sharing in the joke.

If only Senior knew just how much Ducky really did wish he'd crossed paths with Anthony thirty years ago. Then he could have maybe done some good for the poor boy. Ducky would bet good money Jethro had a similar desire too. It was difficult to think that while he was travelling the world and Jethro was just starting his family there was a little boy out there, one who they'd both come to care a lot for as an adult, grieving the loss of his mother all alone and had needed them desperately.

"You must think I'm a terrible father." Senior seemed to sense his thoughts and Ducky made note to work harder on concealing his expression around this man.

"It is my experience that there are very few truly good fathers in the world, and those that are rarely have children." He answered the statement cryptically.

"Well I know Gibbs thinks I am… He told me." Senior qualified when Ducky couldn't hold back his inquisitive look.

"Oh," Ducky wasn't sure what else he could say to that, he guessed as usual Jethro had taken the bull by the horns so to speak and addressed the situation as he saw it. "Well I think it's more important to reflect on yourself rather than rely on others opinions, something I have counselled Anthony on many times." He tried to ease the blow a little, knowing that while Gibbs' bluntness could be refreshing it tended to lack the tact needed to ease an uncomfortable situation into recovery.

"Anthony thinks I sent him to boarding school and summer camps because I didn't want him around, but the truth is he was a little boy who'd lost his mother and didn't understand why. I didn't understand why and I didn't know what to do with him." Senior deflated, slumping into the seat Ducky had offered at the start of this fast becoming painful conversation.

"It must have been hard on both of you," Ducky tried to assure, but he could see Senior would be having none of it.

"When Junior was nine he ran away." He announced bluntly.

"Well given he's here with us now I take it you found him in goodtime?"

That was what Ducky was hoping to hear, that Tony had moved into his tree house or the neighbour's yard, thinking it was the world, but by the look on Senior's face he could tell this was not going to be one of those heart felt stories of childish misadventure.

"I was so loaded it took me until the following morning to realise he was even missing."

"What matters is that you found him." Ducky interjected, trying not to judge.

"But I didn't. The police brought him back before I could even report him missing. He'd taken a bus into the city, got caught sneaking into a movie theatre his mom used to take him to at the weekends when I was working away."

"Precocious as well as wilful," Ducky raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I still can't understand how I never realised he was gone." Senior sighed. "That was when I knew I couldn't take care of him. I sent him away to boarding school to keep him safe, but all I did was make him think I didn't love him anymore." He fell silent, the weight of those words sitting heavily upon him. "Now what do you think of me as a father Dr Mallard?"

He looked over at Ducky with a sad half smile, one so reminiscent of their Anthony it physical hurt to see it. As for the confession Ducky wasn't sure what to say, but say something he must, because offering comfort to those who needed it was his way. "I think grief drives us to many ends which we thought impossible."

The words were heartfelt, but his mind was distracted wondering if Jethro knew of any of this.

"I was selfish. Still am." Senior shook off his sombre mood as quickly as one would a wet umbrella, "Funny how out of all the people I've paid to look after him in my place, it's his boss who's the first person to ever call me out on it."

Ducky could hazard a guess that the real reason he paid others to care for Tony was not because he couldn't cope, but that he believed himself inadequate for the job, much like their Anthony had felt about himself often in his early days at NCIS.

"Jethro is nothing if not succinct. It's one of his more endearing qualities, that and looking out for those who need him." Ducky smiled, hoping he could ease Mr DiNozzo's fears of inadequacy enough to see all was not lost, for if Jethro was investing his time in fixing this strained relationship he must see something worth saving.

"Well I'm glad junior has someone, would prefer it were a woman," Senior chuckled, "but a father is just as good I suppose."

"You are still his father," Ducky hastened to add, hoping this conversation wasn't leading to his imminent departure.

Jethro wasn't the only one perceptive enough to see that no matter what, Tony wanted his father in his life, and every time the man abandoned him for his own selfish or misguidedly paternal goals it hurt him irreparably.

"He's my son," Senior breathed, looking over to where Gibbs was hovering at Tony's side still, the pair deep in conversation. "But I haven't been his father in a long time."

Senior stood and Ducky watched him with a critical eye, "You do know it's never too late."

They shared a long knowing look and with a little nudging senior straightened his jacket and walked over to join them.

"How you doing Junior?" he asked nervously on approach, looking to Gibbs for permission to interrupt.

The pair ended their conversation, and with a light tap on the head and a smile Gibbs walked away leaving Tony to talk with his father.

"I'm good Dad, sorry this happened. We'll be going home soon." Tony said tiredly.

"Home?" Senior queried.

"Gibbs' house," Tony nodded as if it were obvious, not even noticing his slip.

"You don't need to go to hospital or anything?" Senior asked, concealing his surprise poorly.

"Nah, I've a hard head." Tony nodded with an easy smile.

The conversation continued in that vein and Ducky felt confident it was okay to step away and let things progress naturally. There really wasn't much else he could do.

"You look troubled Duck, what's up." Gibbs caught him as he tried to head towards the rest room.

"Ah," Ducky looked back over his shoulder, ensuring that no one else would hear, "well Mr DiNozzo has informed me of something rather troubling. Not here," Ducky added when Gibbs sent him the look to explain, and the pair departed through the rear door that led to the wash rooms.

"I didn't realise Anthony was quite such a…"

"Hell raiser?" Gibbs laughed, filling in where Ducky struggled to come up with an accurate descriptor.

"Did you know he ran away from home when he was only nine years old?" He got to the point now they couldn't be overheard.

"Yeah," Gibbs shrugged, keeping his tone light though Ducky could tell the question surprised him, "I know everything about my team Duck."

Ducky didn't doubt that, but couldn't deny he was curious about the incident given it was one Tony hadn't shared with the group and that in itself said something significant.

"So he has spoken of it to you?" Gibbs remained annoying silent, concealing his reaction making Ducky believe it was just as serious as he feared.

"I found out." Gibbs answered him cryptically; making it clear with a glare he wouldn't be sharing his source. "Did Senior just tell you that?" He asked suspiciously.

"He did. I admit I've always regarded Anthony as being a somewhat problematic young man," Ducky said delicately, moving them along as he certainly didn't want to cause anymore animosity between Gibbs and Tony's father than what already existed, "but I'm afraid I've never considered how difficult it must have been for his father to cope alone with an even less aware child version of him."

"I've seen DiNozzo when he's really upset Duck. Believe me I know he's a challenge." Gibbs sighed contently, actually sounding happy that the burden was his to bear.

They shared a moment's silence, and while Ducky by no means condoned Senior's treatment of Tony, especially later in life when the upset little boy grew into the man they knew today, he did believe he was beginning to understand the man they saw was a front for the man he feared to be. But whereas it was hard to let go of the past there does come a time when a father should do just that. The role of a parent is for them to be unconditional in their love, to teach their offspring and prepare them for the future. It was a shame Senior hasn't been capable of doing that for Tony and that his short-sightedness and habit of ignoring the truth has only widened the gap between father and son over the years. It made Ducky wonder, had Tony never met and learned the value of real unconditional love from Jethro would he too have grown up to be a man for whom the only one he thought of was himself? He's never known Tony without Gibbs in his life and he can't for a minute imagine Gibbs without Tony now either.

"I presume you have the situation in hand?" Ducky asked cryptically, wanting some conformation that a reunited relationship with senior was a good thing, that they weren't all over looking some awful truth, that in this case Tony really was better off without his Father in his life, but in true Gibbs style his friend completely ignored him.

"He going be okay Duck?"

"Yes I believe so," Ducky surmised, knowing Jethro was talking about the toxic gas which had affected two thirds of his team. "He was out longer than Timothy because he struggled to pull in enough air, so his body shut down in reaction to the stress, nothing more. There's no permanent damage done, but just in case we should keep an eye on him tonight."

Gibbs chuckled, "Always Duck. Eyes in the back of my head."

Ducky laughed at the truth of it.

"Ducky?" Tony questioned from across the room as they walked back in, his voice much stronger than it had been on waking.

"Yes my boy?" Ducky walked over, prepared to answer whatever query he had, Gibbs at his side.

.

This year has been difficult, Tony's assignment had him living in fear for him for months and then it ending the way it did? He'd never seen Tony so broken. It pissed him off and made him revaluate a few things, hence his recent conversation with senior. The reason he was here now and not in some condo in St Bart's.

He usually didn't involve himself in anyone else's personal relationships, spouses or parents especially and wished he'd stuck to his plan to stay out of this one, but Tony's father made it so hard to ignore the utter cruelty he'd inflicted on him over the years. For him it all began the first time Tony ended up in hospital on his watch, his dismissive attitude and inability to prioritise his son over women and work. Next came the email he sent at Christmas, which seemed so long ago now and then the trifecta of bad parenting was complete by his sudden reappearance in Tony's life just last year. His motives had been sketchy and still unclear even to Gibbs, but this recent case with Senior staying at his house the past few nights had allowed Gibbs the opportunity to get to know the Senior DiNozzo without the younger one around, thus affording him a more complete picture.

There was now no doubt Senior had been a complete utter failure as a father. Gibbs had wanted to believe his opinion was being clouded because of his own personal connection to Tony, but sadly everything he'd thought about the man in the beginning was spot on. Whatever kind of father he'd been before losing his wife, in general he was unsupportive, selfish and had left his young son alone to fend for himself on too many occasions to count. Abuse can take many forms and whether Tony admits it or not there's no escaping the truth that had Tony been born twenty years later Senior would have been charged with child neglect by now. Hell if there wasn't a statute of limitations Gibbs would have arrested him by now himself. Regardless of how badly Tony needed the man in his life, he needs him to pay for what he's done too, at the very least Gibbs wants Senior to understand just how terrible a father he's been.

So after their first and second meetings, where on both occasions Gibbs had put his usual methods of dealing with people aside and uncharacteristically inserted himself into a situation just because he knew Tony needed someone to fight for him, Gibbs found himself yesterday inviting the man to stay for Thanksgiving. Not just in town, but at his house. To ensure he spent some time with Tony, without being involved in a case or the subject of it, if the old man couldn't do that then there really wasn't much of a relationship to save and they could all just move on.

One day earlier

With the case closed Gibbs had given Senior a lift to his hotel where his thing were since the car he'd been driving around in had been a rental and returned to the hire company as soon as they closed the case.

"Can you tell junior goodbye for me, if I want to make it to St Bart's I've got to leave right away." Senior said haphazardly packing his case.

"You're running out on him?" Gibbs can't quite believe what he's hearing.

"I'm not asking for me." Senior finishes.

"I know." Gibbs nods tone light, a mistake clearly since Senior feels he doesn't get it.

"You think you know, but…"

Gibbs gets his wallet out and shows Senior a picture.

"Six years ago we had a case that took us to long Island. This picture was taken there." Gibbs thinks back to that time. "Tony was dealing with losing someone close, we both were," Gibbs amends knowing he'd been grieving Kate just as much as Tony on that trip, "It brought back plenty of memories for him. They should have been happy ones, but you know they weren't."

"So? Gibbs I know you always have a point but I have a plane to catch-"

"So Tony has a family that loves him and he'll be fine without you, we'll look after him, but he wants you in his life."

Senior takes the picture, it's worn and looks like it's seen some water damage and been reprinted but the image is clear, four people – his son included – standing around a tall Christmas tree.

"Junior doesn't want me around." Senior shakes his head unable to tear his gaze away from the photo.

Gibbs looks heavenward for strength, getting so pissed off with his dismissiveness he has to wonder what the hell happened to make him this way.

"He loves you, you're his father, he wants you in his life. He wants you to care about him."

"I do care," Senior shrugs.

"Have you told him?" Gibbs snaps, putting him on the spot, his temper getting the better of him as usual.

"Have you?" Senior shoots back. "You can talk the talk Gibbs but I know Anthony looks up to you, when we have spoken he's always telling me how great you are, but never has he said you think the same about him."

"This isn't about me." Gibbs grits his teeth.

"This is ALL about you, before you I never heard from him. He left for college, I might have gotten the odd phone call or post card, but other than that nothing. He didn't want me in his life. I wasn't going to hang around when he didn't need me."

"You arrogant-" Gibbs cuts himself off knowing getting angry isn't going to help.

"Gibbs I'm grateful for whatever it is you've done that makes him want to talk to me now, but it's not the same as being his father. I'm not that man for him anyone."

"When Tony lost his mom where were you?" Gibbs seethes, blood boiling under his skin.

"That was a tough time. I lost my wife, I was grieving."

"Yeah, well so was he. Only he couldn't lose himself in the bottle." Gibbs paused long enough for his point to hit home before quickly moving on, "When you sent him to school, where were you?"

"I had to work, needed to pay his school fees, Gibbs I really don't see-"

"He was a little boy and he was alone! He didn't cut you out, he just didn't know any different. You weren't there for him, not when he needed you, I was!"

It takes Gibbs a second to realise what he's just said and the truth sends him dumb. He cares so damn much because he has stepped into that role, and every time senior reappears it sends Tony back to being that upset lost and lonely little boy that broke his heart all those years ago.

"You love him." Senior nods, looking smug like he knows exactly what Gibbs is going through.

"He makes it hard not to," Gibbs growls wondering when he lost the power in this conversation.

"I love him too, really." Senior nods again, "you know we're a lot a like you and me. Anthony's like his mother, open, honest, never afraid to let people see the real him if he wants to share it with them. I envy him that confidence. He must really love you if he can share that with you Gibbs." Senior sighs audibly, "He's never done that with me."

"I've spent the last 10 years seeing him nearly every day, I've laughed with him, been there for him when he's upset, looked after him when he's hurt. I got to know him and he got to trust me. He annoys me when he acts out and it breaks my heart when he cries, but he is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Don't throw that away."

Silence falls between them, so pronounced Gibbs swears he can hear the dripping of the upstairs tap as it hits the basin.

"Never too late, ay?" Senior breaks the silence, looking simultaneously bemused and unsure. "I guess I can stick around for a while…" he shrugs, "the deal can wait."

..

End.

**A/N:** More than a fair few references to my own stories, mainly the Christmas series. Thanks for reading! Ttfn ;)

.


	7. Once a Crook

**Episode: Once a Crook (11.5)**

_Gibbs-_

"Just waiting for Tony to come back"

"Where'd he go?"

"To the bathroom, he's been gone a while,"

"Ahuh"

"Boss"

"I know McGee – I'll deal with it"

Gibbs walked off not feeling half that confident. He'll deal with it? How exactly? Tony isn't a dumb kid - he's a grown man who needs to act like one. Oh who is he kidding? Since the bombing last year his own mortality has been on his mind - he wasn't going to be around forever after all, and where consciously he knew Tony could survive without him there was a small part of him that thought he'd choose not to. Gibbs had raised him to be a strong dependable agent, now he needed to teach him the hardest lesson of all, as all parents did, especially to the clingy kids. If they were too scared to move out on their own it was the dad's responsibility to push them out the nest. It sounded crueller than it was because he knew once that first step out of his comfort zone was taken Tony would be a much happy person. Gibbs was already proud of who he was, what he wanted now was for Tony to be proud of himself.

Walking in the bathroom Gibbs knew there would be no pushing out of the nest today, in fact the exact opposite was needed. Tony needed bringing back into the fold.

.

_Tony-_

Gibbs knows about the letters. Some would call it a reaction to a situation. He apparently calls it growing up. Tony knows that Gibbs knows about the letters, Tony also knows that Gibbs knows what he's going through. Ziva told him.

She told him three years ago when he was having a crisis over Brenda Bitner. He was growing up. Tony didn't know growing up could hurt quite so much. Was he wrong to trust people? Was he wrong about those he trusted? Did anyone ever live up to your expectations of them? He's not sure. But he thinks Gibbs might know the answer.

He trusted Ziva. Loved her, as a friend, as more maybe, probably, but he'd never know for sure because he never had a chance to find out. Not his decision. Never was. So why does he feel like he chose wrong? He loves Gibbs and Ducky and Abby and McGee too. He never realised he loved so many people. He loves his father and his mother. His mother broke his heart and his father threw it out with the trash. Ziva left to pursue her own desires, yet to be determined and Ducky nearly died. Brenda Bitner needed help. Jeanne couldn't forgive him. Jenny used him to get her revenge. Gibbs left him for beer and beaches. Kate did die - insulting him no less. Wendy wasn't ready to commit. Danny Price was supposed to be a good guy. Was he wrong to trust so many people?

"You believe in people the way a child believes in Santa. You need to grow up." Gibbs, Bourbon, basement one night back in 2007 when the truth of his Director/Frog – hunt/Jeanne triangle came out.

He wasn't happy with him back then. At the office it was business as usual, but at home they were still working through it. Gibbs knew he was sorry. Tony knew Gibbs was just scared for him. But that didn't help them find a way to move forward any quicker. Tony had cried that night, after nearly getting blown up losing the women he thought knew for sure he loved, losing the trust of his team. Gibbs had watched him from a distance as the tears started to flow, slow at first, but like a burst damn once a crack appeared it only go bigger until the whole thing collapsed. His heart wasn't solid. He couldn't stand by and do nothing. He broke cover and hugged him, hugged him until he slept. They never spoke about it. Gibbs probably hopes Tony had thought it was a dream.

Growing up sucks Tony thinks.

.

_Gibbs-_

Gibbs thinks the same thing. He doesn't want him growing up, he likes Tony as he is, as he was rather, when he was youthful and annoying, but we all grow up eventually and it's hard, harder than we remember once we're adults to lose our childlike idealistic view of the world.

He listens to him talk. It makes sense and he's glad Tony's finally understanding and working through it instead of wallowing or denying like he would have five years ago. But growing up takes more than realising the problem, he still needs to understand the answer. Gibbs can't provide that for him. Tony will eventually realise people aren't perfect. He'll eventually understand that if he's finally ready for a committed relationship the right girl will come along and he'll just know she's the right one. Tony too easily trusted, too desperate for love having been denied for so long. Jeanne he had to date for the job and feelings emerged, she wasn't right, never was. Barratt was another Paula Cassidy, another Wendy -forward, pushy, all excellent manipulators who knew how to toy and tease a heart as soft as Tony's. And Ziva? Ziva was just there. She needed help herself, her life having been messed up by ignorant adults just like Tony's. She was lost and looking for stability. Tony was lost and looking for permanence. They bonded over a shared a goal.

But Ziva needed to move on, focus on what she wanted instead of what people wanted for her. Tony's growing up, he's ready to be there for someone, to commit, but he needs to learn patience, wait for the right person to come along not rush into it because there's an opportunity. A damsel in distress to save.

He feels like he's made the wrong decision, but he didn't decide. He's confused and hurting and this happens to us all at some point, when we move on from our youthful adolescence into the adult state of mind, only with Tony its happening about fifteen years later than most. Fifteen years was the magic number of the day. Doesn't matter, Gibbs had been through this, was entering his next stage of life, one past the idol cares of youth, of grown up relationships and responsibilities into the rigors of old age. A thought he didn't want to think about, but no matter where their paths took them he'd always be there for Tony and he was going to ensure Tony knew that.

"I'll trust you anytime"

…

End.


	8. Bury your dead but more like Mexico

Episode: Bury your Dead (S5.1) and the whole Gibbs moves to Mexico arc (S3.23 to S4.2)

May 2007

Ducky wanted to blame himself, but knew he couldn't because it's a shared guilt. One they cannot escape. One they shouldn't want to - no matter how today ended.

He was aware of the case that brought them together, and could understand how the skill Anthony displayed in his job could attract attention, but deep down Ducky knew something more than talent spotting was going on when Jethro returned from Baltimore with a rarely seen smile on his face and spring in his step. It wasn't until he finally met young Tony Ducky got the proof of his presumption and the smile made sense.

Tony was a man in pain, hidden and kept secret much like Jethro's, but there none the less. So that was one of the many, many reasons why he'd been so annoyed with Gibbs' sudden unrepentant return a year ago. His almost casual dismissal of the previous month's events could have been easily explained by arrogance, the ludicrous idea that he could simply walk back into their life's without so much as an apology for his behaviour… or maybe, just maybe it was just hope? Ducky wasn't heartless, he knew how hard it must have been to lose everything for a second time only to later remember that which you'd willingly thrown away and understood the allure to pretend it never happened. But then he also knew how hard it was on Gibbs when Franks left the way he did, which is why he thought once he regained clarity he'd understand how much his leaving hurt them and would want to make amends accordingly. It didn't surprise Ducky that Mike upped and left without regard for those he left behind, but Gibbs? No he was a good man, had values and stuck by them, stuck by his team, or so he'd thought…

His eventual return wasn't unexpected by Ducky, at least in part, since if he chose to stay away after getting all his memories back then he clearly wasn't the man Ducky believed him to be, but his dismissing of their feelings like they hadn't been hurt by his absence and thinking he could slot right back into the space occupied by his previous self without comeuppance? It was wrong. Now not apologising to Ziva or McGee he could forgive, McGee had only been on the team a couple of years Ziva even less, but, him, Abby and Tony he owed much more. Ducky had been his friend for many years, Abby had been relying on him since she started at NCIS and Tony had come to them lost and alone and found a family. He depended on them, on Gibbs. In fact his leaving was the least understood by the one person landed with the responsibility of holding it all together and not because Anthony didn't understand, but because Gibbs was the bravest man he knew and yet believed, had he been in the same situation, he'd have made a different decision. Tony would never have left.

Ducky now knows his own anger at Gibbs made it near impossible for anyone to talk to him about it. For the others it was fine, they found their ways. Tony was left with no outlet, he couldn't admit to Abby, Ziva or McGee that he missed his predecessor, the man responsible for putting him in the position. It was tantamount to admitting he wasn't good enough to fill his shoes and Anthony would never do that. No Ducky let Tony down, they all let him down, they should have stuck together, but instead got bogged down with their own disappointment in a man they cared for and looked up to so they weren't there for Tony when he needed to express the same. No one was.

They left him alone, they left him vulnerable. Others took advantage while they weren't paying attention and he's knows, without a doubt Ducky knows it's their abandonment which has landed Anthony DiNozzo Jr here, six years after first walking through those doors with his damned disarming smile, to be lying on his autopsy table. A shared guilt indeed, one they may never have a chance to atone.

"Blood tests are back doctor…"

.

Eight months earlier…

After taking another round of crap off Ziva and then having to tell Abby to stop adding to her Gibbs shrine and process the evidence instead Tony is in no mood for the envelope waiting for him on his desk. It has his name on, but nothing else, no evidence of who sent it or where it came from. Last time he received a dodgy letter like this he had a prolonged hospital stay and a bonus near death experience. With those thoughts in mind Tony immediately drops the letter he's examining and pushes it away with one suspicious finger to the far side of his desk. He slams his own chair back a little too forcefully as he does so, knocking loudly into the divide behind. The noise has McGee raising his head.

"You alright Tony?" He looks over curiously.

Tony grins stupidly and gingerly picks up the letter between his thumb and fore finger, touching it as little as possible. McGee looks less concerned and more bemused by his odd behaviour as Tony visually dissects the envelope. Just as he's about to explain the issue Lee - their new Probie – approaches his desk standing to attention in front of him.

"They want that back."

"What?" Tony asks confusion evident.

"Personnel" Lee states, "they said they needed it back straight away."

"Oh," Tony grasps the letter fully with one hand and opens his desk draw with other never taking his eyes off Lee he drops it inside and slams the draw shut. "Good work Probie."

Lee remains where she stands.

"Er, sir?"

"Something else?" He overlooks the sir, there's no point and truth be told he kind of likes it.

"Well I was hoping if there is nothing else?"

Tony sees where she's going and, to be honest, after the abuse he's gotten from those whom he still considered his friends – in his head if nowhere else - would rather they all leave, leave the building and him alone.

"Go, all of you, I'll see you tomorrow."

McGee is packing his things before Tony's even gotten to the end of his sentence and Ziva rises from her desk without so much as a nod of gratitude for the early finish.

Once everyone is gone and the lights dimmed Tony opens his draw to drop the remaining paperwork in out of sight when he sees the letter sitting on top, next to his mighty mouse stapler. He reaches in and, now he knows it isn't contagious, pulls the letter out of its envelope with interest.

And deflates.

It's a contact form for next of kin. Since Gibbs left no forwarding address they wanted someone else to be listed as his medical proxy. Tony stares at the form for a long time, not really wanting to move on from this moment. His eyes glaze over and Tony feels like all the air has left his body.

That's when it occurs to him. The moment it finally hits him - Gibbs is gone.

He's spent so long keeping everything together and the team running that he's not stopped to think about why he's doing it. Gibbs is gone and not coming back, for all intents and purposes he's never going to see the man again and despite all the crap he's taken from his team, the brave face he's worn and the new responsibilities he's gained Tony would forgive the man in a heartbeat if he decided to walk through that door right now. Tony stupidly looks towards the elevator expecting Gibbs to do just that.

This isn't a movie damn it, DiNozzo.

A single tear escapes his eye and trickles down his cheek. Tony brushes it away as quickly as it arrived, but it's no good because more follow.

This is stupid, he's stupid. Gibbs was his boss, nothing more, because if he was more then he'd never have given up like that, never have turned around and dumped him without a care. No one cries because their boss leaves!

Ziva suddenly appears, walking back into the bullpen without pause and Tony quickly turns his back, leaning forward in his chair pretending to look through his rucksack.

"I know you told us to leave but I forgot to hand this in so-"

She stops midsentence and Tony doesn't dare turn around to confirm anything she may be thinking right now stood before his desk. Gibbs' desk.

"Its fine can wait 'til tomorrow," Tony manages to stand without looking her way, rucksack slung over one shoulder, completely avoiding eye contact as he walks around the desk, her and out the bullpen keeping his tears and sadness to himself.

After all, as it's been made so abundantly clear by Gibbs, by Ziva, by McGee, by Abby, by Ducky. It's all he has left.

.

Two days later…

The elevator dings and without looking up from the file encased in his hands Tony steps on slowly turning around and groping to press the button to take him out the building. Suddenly a weight pushes into him, knocking him backwards and Tony only just catches himself. Looking up from his file he isn't surprised to see Ziva pressing the button. She waits for the doors to close and then pulls on the emergency stop. Standing before him arms folded and pissed off.

"You know they didn't even like Gibbs doing that."

Ziva pounced, getting up close and personal intending to intimidate him as was per the norm nowadays.

"What is going on with you?" she spits.

"What makes you think anything's going on?" he tries to deflect from the fact she's actually scaring the crap out of him. In a 'boil the bunny' kind of way.

"You've been acting weird all week."

"You said that last week too," Tony points out tonelessly.

"That was different, this, you are hiding something." She watches him closely, breathe ghosting his neck.

Tony's own breath catches in his throat and he subconsciously holds the file in his hands a little tighter.

End.

A/n: sorry if formatting of I'm experimenting with mobile loading- the laptops bite the dust basically in terms of Internet . Any probs ill fix tomorrow, hope you enjoyed and my pain setting up stupid shared files and all the swears were worth it lol ttfn ?


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